Loop Invariant

I'm back at work after my brief exam induced sojourn, and after a hectic Thursday and Friday that ran into a reasonably large weekend, I've hit a wall of boredom on Monday morning. Which isn't too bad I guess, my pay isn't magically linked to any form of exertion, well anymore than is necessary to avoid the ole chop. Although as a contractor that is slightly more exertion than your less well paid but more secure full time employees. Still all in all I find my state of mind is improved by some action, not necessarily working Saturday and Sunday action, but this is killing me. As an example straight out of office space, the high point of my day so far has been helping a colleague find a missing "Unregulated Asset Evaluation Model" in a database. Wooh! On the positive side in my new Department at least they don't have the same preoccupation with working for no reason, So I can just sit here typing this, where as in my old department I would be doing something depressingly useless, and obviously unnecessary, pointless busywork in another word.

On Another note as I sit here, refreshing Slashdot in the vain hope of a new story on whether or not at some vague point in the future one might be able to put Linux on the new x-box, I've found this gem off crikey apparently Lauchy Murdoch at the one.tel hearings said the phrase 'I can't recall' 205 times, that truly is a Herculean effort worthy of Cheech or Chong. At least he got one thing right, something that my current job in electronic litigation support has taught me well, If your going to do something dodgy, for god's sake don't write it down! That goes for file notes, note pads even post-it notes but especially email. You have no idea how long this stuff hangs around, but at least 7 years for business emails, and it's going to look really bad in court one day trust me. Oh and that also goes for bad jokes chain letters and porn via email.

To add to my boring day, my only co-worker my age today is a raving nut bag. Ian my regular partner in crime at work is on holiday at the moment, which on the plus side means I get to do more interesting techy stuff, but the down side is that instead of an offsider that can talk geek with the best of them I have a different species of geek, well more like a nerd. For a start she is a final year law student, and I don't know why lawyers get cool TV shows and Tech geeks don't, cause in my experience lawyers are nerdier than most programmers by a large strech, don't believe me? Come to Friday night drinks one night. Back to the person in question. She has a few strange habits, on of which is that she makes notes on files in mandarin.... she is Caucasian.... no one else is familiar with mandarin here.... The only Chinese I know is Cantonese I have picked up from Jackie Chan films... so far I've only got the facial expressions but I am working on it.

Anyway I'm back off to check Slashdot, and see what else is happening in the world.

No I'm not following Robb's lead with sureal headlines, but instead investigating the odd forum of the same name. I happend onto the site from the most recent Something Awful 'Weekend Web', one of the few SA features that still makes me laugh insanely loudly, and scare Lara when she is in her room. Back to the matter in question, the good people at packlands believe that they are reincarnated wolves, not in the usual 'spiritual' wishy washy "I believe I had past lives" sort way, but in the "I am a fucking wolf" sort of way. When I read the site I am torn between laughing so hard I'm in danger of losing bladder control, and then feeling incredibly sad. I think that some people on this site are mentaly ill, and others are just very sad and confused. I suppose if your life as a human isn't working out and you have a shitty job and no friends then maybe pretending that your a wolf and howling at the moon is one way of escaping your current existence, I'm still not sure that this can explain some of the people on this site "All humans lose in the end... *wags at the thought*" is a a quote from waken. I think one of the reasons that I've spent time going through this site, is that I'm trying to find out what sort of person I really am, I find it very easy to be aloof and removed much of the time, to find other peoples misfortunes faintly amusing and not take them to heart, at othertimes I think that I over compensate and feel far too sad for other people. One day I might laugh at a bum, or tell them to fuck off when they hassle me for change, the next I can't stop thinking about how sad it is that a fellow human can end up in that situation and that no one cares. I know which option is easier, but I'm not sure that I can always live with it. I see this dichotomy in my personality best I feel in this one thread.


There is one thing I would like to say though, these are always to damn late to make any differance and this is no exception.

Thing is, Ebon, I'm sorry that I have lied to you on many counts. I can give you the truth, now that I have nothing to lose *sighs* if I can remember correctly, you asked me what love was, and I gave you a defenition of it...I can honestly not tell you what love is, because I have never felt it except for my parents and other relatives. I have never had a girlfriend, ever, because I remain bottled up and cut myself off from others when I am in public. I do not like to leave my heart open for others to tear out. And, lucky me...I just did to you what I tried to stop from happening to me in the first place. If you are reading this, I know you are angry, and that you think I'm really a human, but just don't think that I'VE given up on what I am. I know I am a wolf, and my idiocy has not and will not change that matter. I've learned a lesson through both of our losses, and damnit, I want to undo the way I learned it. *shakes his head* Why did I do so much with you...honestly, because I thought you were thinking like me *shrugs* I don't know everything, and most certainly not what goes on in your mind. Like you said, youth are blinded, hell, you just proved it right. The point of this thing is, I am sorry...for everything, and if it matters to you, you actually are the only one who understood what the hell it is I've been feeling for the past few years, the only one who could put down a logical reason to it. And I don't want to lose a friend out of my idiocy...but it is your choice on what you decide from this letter, I will accept either, cause it is your decision, I made mine and made the wrong one. I will still be on MSN if you wish to woof still with this ignorant pup here. I already stated I was leaving this place, and I know your rules, so I will stay out, and not come back.



This post makes me feel awful, that a person could feel so unloved and misunderstood, I don't doubt that this person has a severe personality disorder, but to have never had a girl love them? To feel so unloveable that they needed to lie to be accepted, even by such a group of outcasts like this? When I think about it I'm overcome by the most terrible saddness.

Then you find out that the person they have had the fight with on the forum has this for a signature


"God didn't give dogs balls so you can cut them off... he gave dogs balls so you can suck them off."

I knew it had to happen sooner or later, and it's keeping with the theme of my previous post. I'm not entirely sure that the star trek guys would have carried weapons this badass, but they have called it a phaser (another tortured acronym to get to a cool sounding name) Who would have thought that the Airforce would be the ones to come up with such a cool piece of tech? I do get the idea that it's a bit of overkill just to blind someone, maybe a supersoaker full of bleach would be the cheaper version.